The Attorney General vs. Yellowstone: When “MCA” Stands for “Massive Corporate Abomination”
- February 13, 2025
- 7:33 pm
Ah, Merchant Cash Advances (MCAs)—the financial world’s answer to a carnival game where the prizes are debt and the clowns are wearing suits. For years, Yellowstone Capital peddled their “MCAs” like a shady street vendor selling “designer” handbags made of duct tape. But the New York Attorney General (NYAG) finally ripped off their fake Gucci belt and exposed the whole operation. Let’s dive into this dumpster fire of corporate creativity.
The MCA That Wasn’t an MCA (But Boy, Did They Try!)
Yellowstone’s big brain idea? Slap the label “MCA” on loans so predatory they’d make a payday lender blush and whisper, “Maybe tone it down?” Normally, MCAs adjust with your revenue—like a supportive friend who says, “Pay me when you can!” Yellowstone’s version? More like a mob boss hissing, “Pay me NOW… or I break your kneecaps.”
Their Masterstroke: Fixed repayment terms disguised as “flexible.” Imagine a yoga instructor screaming, “YOU WILL BEND… TO OUR SCHEDULE!”
Red Flags? More Like a Red Tsunami
The NYAG’s complaint was less “legal document” and more “roast session.” Highlights include:
- “Open-Ended” My Assets: Yellowstone promised “open-ended” agreements but locked businesses into 60-90 day repayment plans. Translation: “Freedom! (Terms and conditions apply. Freedom not included.)”
- Interest Rates Only a Villain Could Love: Charging up to 25% criminal usury? Congrats, Yellowstone—you made loan sharks look like Girl Scouts selling cookies.
- Hidden Fees: Because why stop at highway robbery when you can also charge a “convenience fee” for the privilege?
- Surprise! You’re in Default: Yellowstone’s favorite party trick? Declaring defaults for fun, like a toddler knocking over LEGO towers. “Oops, you didn’t pay the ‘we-made-this-up’ fee. Hand over your cash register!”
- Overcollection Olympics: Even after businesses paid their soul-crushing debt, Yellowstone kept debiting accounts “just in case.” Think of it as a subscription service from hell: “Congratulations! You’ve been auto-renewed for Bankruptcy Plus!”
The NYAG’s Mic Drop: “These Are Loans, You Clowns.”
The NYAG didn’t just call out Yellowstone—they dunked on them like Shakespeare with a vendetta. Key takeaways:
- Semantic Gymnastics: Yellowstone tried to rebrand loans as “purchases of future sales.” Spoiler: Courts aren’t dumb. “That’s a loan, Karen.”
- Personal Guarantees: Because nothing says “we believe in your business” like demanding your firstborn as collateral.
- The Billion-Dollar “Oopsie”: After years of “helping,” Yellowstone settled for $1 billion, proving that crime does pay… until it doesn’t.
The Takeaway: A Cautionary Tale for Suckers
Dear small business owners: If a financing deal requires a lawyer, a cryptographer, and a sacrificial goat to understand, it’s probably a scam. Yellowstone didn’t just bend the rules—they snapped them in half, set them on fire, and billed you for the lighter fluid.
As for Yellowstone? When your business model is “What if loans… but illegal?” maybe consider a career change. May we suggest clown school? They’ve already got the outfit.
🔹 Final Tip: If an MCA lender says “Trust me,” assume they’re hiding a Confession of Judgment in their back pocket.
